Learning about myself

I am at a point of learning about myself. I feel like I am always learning about myself. With each child and each pregnancy, how much life changes and how much *I* change out of sheer need, I am forced to learn more about myself.

The last few days have been really hard. I’ve been absolutely horribly nauseas again, at 18 weeks pregnant. Our garden is in full swing. Our daughter (2 years old) fell off of a slide and hit her head on the ladder on the way down then hit the side of her head when she hit the ground and mulch punctured her scalp. We were watching her from a few yards away…it was a company picnic for hubby’s work. All of the kids were playing and it was rainy/slippery. Instead of running for us, she immediately ran out toward then through the parking lot before we could get to her. Hubby got to her and she was covered in blood and mud/dirt and crying hysterically. A quick run home to rinse her off and check out the cuts then an emergency room trip later and she came home with 2 staples on the side of her head and a scraped up knot on top of her head.

My canning has not gotten finished as planned. I’m too tired emotionally and physically to stay up late and work on things each night like I could in my first two pregnancies.

This weekend I started reading my Bible and praying again. It’s been a long time (and by a long time, I mean probably a good 3 years) since I read my Bible or prayed. We’ve had a pretty rough 3 years too. I’m not saying it’s for sure an attack from Satan but it does seem like when we decide to put our trust in God again and really start trying to be a child of God, we are tempted, shaken, tested by some force in the spiritual world.

Yesterday, in particular, my kids acted up so badly that I couldn’t get anything finished. They destroyed the house. I had no motivation or drive to do anything. I ended up in tears and feeling a deeply depressed feeling like I’ve not had in a very long time by the end of the day. Yesterday was my only day to “catch up” before an extremely busy week. I yelled at my kids. I felt like a failure as a mom.

I also read my Bible for the very first time in about 3 years, yesterday. What really stood out to me in my devotional?

” ‘When you are wondering just who you are, don’t look to the people around you. The only true reflection of you identity comes from God himself.’
Psalm 139:13-14 For you created my in most being; you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; yours works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Perfect for me as I am trying to figure out who I am. Whatever force of spiritual world decided to tear me down immediately as my kids woke up. I felt somewhat crushed as soon as they got awake. I immediately knew it would be a battle to get through the day. I just could not seize the day like usual. None of it normal for me or my kids.

This morning I got up before my kids again until sleeping in and read a passage and my devotional. I felt refreshed. My older two kids woke up just about half way through my writing this and came to my room. My daughter (who never throughs huge fits. VERY rare.), immediately started throwing a royal tantrum. Crying and screaming. Laying on the floor. She woke up my youngest who immediately started throwing his own LOUD fit.

I have an appointment in our hometown this afternoon. I have laundry to do. I have dishes to do. I have tomatoes to toss in jars and can quick this morning before we leave. ALL of which I should have done yesterday.

 

Instead of reacting with anger and the sarcastic attitude of “Great! This is how this day is going to go…”, like I did yesterday, I decided right then and there, I will NOT let this get me today. Yesterday was horrible because I left it go horribly. I told the older two to lay down in my bed or go back to their own. I got them each a cup of milk and a snack. I am finishing writing my post and finishing my cup of coffee and breakfast (a clif bar…basically all that sounds good in the mornings lately…I get sick of all else until 11 or Noon). Unless something major happens (like another ER trip), they are watching a show on the computer while I hop in the shower, start a load of laundry, and start the dishes. They can hop in the shower themselves (we weren’t home last night and they are filthy) then help me wash tomatoes and toss them in jars and they can help me fold laundry before we leave here in about 5 hours. Today attitudes will be handled with time outs and love, not a depressed mommy. Today, God’s word will stay in my heart and I will not give in to my biggest downfall…depression and feeling like a bad mom. I am not a bad mom…I have bad days. I need to make the day and seize the day with God’s word in my heart.

The learning about myself continues, as a mom and spiritually. The learning continues. I need to embrace it with love and open heart and mind. I need to embrace it with positivity not negativity.

Busy life update and Youtube?

Hey ya’ll!

I know I kind of drop off of the face of the Earth every so often but OH my heavens I’m so busy.

I’ve been:

  • Canning…Pickles, beans, and soon tomatoes!
  • Gardening.
  • Reorganizing the house to get it “school year ready” since this will be our first year with a kindergartener and a preschooler (WHAT?!), plus my hubby is taking classes 2 nights a week this fall. The house has to have a good rhythm that is ready to rock.😉
  • Working out every other day to keep myself sane and in shape…because since this is our last baby, I REALLY want to prove to myself that I CAN stay in shape while pregnant. I’m also hoping for a natural birth with no medication and with the help of a midwife this time since my last 3 were all epidurals either because I was scared, so out of shape the pain wore me out FAST, or late term preemie who I was tricked into thinking I needed pitocin and an epidural for.
  • Working on getting our house at the home farm cleaned out and ready to stay at on the weekends and during school breaks (literally within 15 mins of all family) until we can move back…PLUS it’d be great to have a place for the kids to stay, with their own beds that they are already used to while I’m at the hospital delivering…especially if Santa needs to come and they aren’t home in our current town. We can make it work that Santa shows up at our farm “home” with the help of my in-laws who literally live next door on the farm. More on that plan later.😉
  • Working on Christmas gifts. Yes, in July…I’m due literally 4 days after Christmas though. My second child was due Christmas. She came Black Friday. Gotta be prepared for all things since I’ve never made it fully past 39 weeks yet and it’s very possible this baby will come right at or before Christmas. My first I went into labor at 39.5 weeks. If this one comes at that point, that’s literally right at Christmas. My second came 36 weeks on the dot. That’s thanksgiving again for this one. My third came at exactly 39 weeks which would be literally 2 days before Christmas. It could happen any time…or I could go over for the first time. NO WAY TO TELL but I’d rather be prepared for anything.😉
  • Revamping my parenting style. My kids were NOT listening since I’ve been sick with nausea so bad SO, I’ve been working on writing out a routine and posting it on the wall of whichever room. If it’s a morning routine it’ll be in the kitchen. Bedtime in the hall between the bedrooms. Bath time, in the bathroom. The general routine…and once school starts I’ll have to change times up and all of that. Bedtime and wake up will be earlier, etc. This is also helpful as my MIL and FIL will be staying over the night 2 times in August to watch our kids. One is for a back to school night for our oldest and then a trip the whole family is taking to an Ag Expo the next day. The other is because my hubby and I are going to see Loretta Lynn in concert (!!! Thanks to an awesome friend of mine scoring me tickets!) and then staying the night out in Lancaster, PA for a “babymoon” over night that weekend. We have not gone away alone over night since the first week of May in 2013. Yeah…that long.
  • Lastly, I’m working on changing bedrooms around. Current situation is our oldest (just turned 5) still sleeps in his bed, in OUR ROOM. He and the middle child will be moved in together (today’s project actually) and the youngest will be moved into the middle child’s current room. Then I can get our room set up for the new baby soon.🙂 I’m also moving my desk to a different area of the house so my oldest will have a place to work on his homework in peace once school starts…and I’ll have a space to sew where I won’t as easily wake the children at night and do my morning devotions/meditations before they wake up.

I would love to be able to blog all of this process but I don’t have time or energy to sit down in the evening and blog it.

I am, however, thinking about videoing the process and then once I get my house back to it’s usual minimized/organized/school year friendly/weekend travel friendly state, I had thought about making youtube videos.

The videos would be farm related, garden related, canning/preserving, sewing, crocheting, DYI, my workouts, travel and how we keep that organized, my purge process and minimalist journey, organizing…just mom, fitness and farm stuff. I used to have a channel on youtube but didn’t post much because I wasn’t into it/ready for it. I did get a lot of videos ready and know how to edit them and post them. I think videoing as I do things then sitting down and posting/editing all of that, once I have time would be a lot easier than sitting down and trying to remember all that I did, how I did it, and trying to clear my head enough to type it all out. Would that interest anyone? Would you rather read blog posts or watch youtube videos? It’s all part of the works. If you follow my facebook page (www.facebook.com/danigotfit) I posted about it going to be a few weeks before I get things going with all of my fitness and blog posts because I am revamping. This is part of it. Would a youtube channel be something my friends and family would watch? Please comment and let me know your thoughts!🙂

Other wise the next post is to be about prenatal fitness and a maternity update.🙂

 

 

Canning season in full swing.

Canning. Season. Has. BEGUN!

Seriously ya’ll. I’ve been busting my butt trying to keep up over here. Last weekend I got the house purged as well as I could. I power purged the entire house, washed the floors, deep cleaned, cleaned out the fridge, shampooed the carpets and couch, washed curtains, caught up on laundry, baked a birthday cake and had my oldest’s birthday party on Sunday. Wooooooweee! So exhausting when you’re nearly 16 weeks pregnant. The only area I didn’t get to was my sewing/office area. That’s for this coming week.

The week entailed resting on Monday then hubby was away the next two evenings so I worked on the house some more and washed laundry. Thursday was spent purging junk from our house on the farm (the one we plan to move to in a few years) and working in the garden. We got 3 (5 gallon) buckets of cucumbers and 2 (5 gallon) buckets of wax and blue beans to can.  Friday was spent packing my son up for a camping trip with grandparents, then taking him to a town halfway between our town and our hometown to meet my mom. While in that town, I got a boatload of canning supplies that I have run out of since past years, to make pickles and just to can my beans and later other produce.

Today I woke up with nausea pretty badly. I’ve been keeping up with laundry, washed dishes, cleaned up the messes in the house, and got the kitchen ready for canning. I have supper in the oven and cooking on the stove right now so I can use my stove this evening to can my beans.

Right now my jars are also sterilizing and I needed a few mins to just unwind a bit. I will be snapping my beans here in a bit then prepping them and canning them this evening. While they are in the water bath, canning, I am going to be cleaning and cutting up my cukes and getting them prepped for pickle making in the morning.

Keep an eye out for my posts on how I can my beans, bread and butter pickles and garlic dill pickles. Posts will be coming as I have time next week.🙂

Purging. Cleaning. Party Prep.

Purging is mostly done! I just love a good purge. I went through all of the kids clothes and toys yesterday. I forgot to take pictures though. Sorry!

Today I’ve been cleaning carpets and washing curtains…basically the spring cleaning I was too nauseas or too busy with family deaths to do this year.

This afternoon I need to run and get supplies for my son’s birthday party tomorrow and bake/decorate his cake! I have a small patch of wall in my kitchen I need to paint today too just to get it finished. I’m also planning to organize my sewing stuff tonight into the new shelving I have for it. My goal is to be able to spend the rest of the summer farming with my family and not feeling overwhelmed with a messy, disorganized home.

I’m beyond excited as my hubby told me we have green beans and cucumbers ready to pick and can/pickle! This week, I’ll be spending a day at the farm doing all of that! I just love this time of year. Sick or not, it’s lovely to have your own fresh produce from the garden.

Hubby is also digging me up a small patch here at this home this week so I can plant a few fall veggies and I’m ecstatic about that as well.

This coming week we will be cleaning our home at the farm out a little more as well as picking and canning beans and pickles.

 

At this moment, life is good.

Power Purging Junk – Minimalist Mom

I tend to err on the side of minimalism. I hate having a lot of stuff. I hate not having a designated spot for every single item in the house. I hate buying a lot of stuff or being given a lot of stuff with no where to put it. Typically, as soon as something comes in this house I give it some good thought and if it seems like something that won’t be useful, will cause my kids to fight, or will take up a lot of space I make the immediate decision whether it stays, goes to donation or gets to “live” in daddy’s shed for outdoor or rainy days stuck in the shed to play.

With 3 (soon to be 4) kids, a 1,285 sq ft house seems small at times. Really we are using less space than what we have as I don’t use a lot of basement space. Our current basement is really humid and moisture collects easily even with a nice big dehumidifier. I only keep things down there that won’t go bad or mold or mildew in the moist environment. Our washer and dryer are  also down there.

With the idea of moving back to the hometown in the future and into a smaller home, not being able to renovate for a while, it has really made me really re evaluate the stuff in our home. What do we really need and use? What could we easily do without if we had to make more space?

I love keeping things simple. I don’t like having more than we need. I don’t like having more clothing than my kids or I need or can use.  For one, it makes more laundry and there really is no sense in keeping things I do not like to wear or I can’t let my kids wear because it may get “ruined”. There is no sense in keeping anything that doesn’t get used regularly whether it be clothing, kitchen gadgets, toys, books…it just causes extra clutter.

Here lately, I noticed that my house is getting out of hand with clutter and just STUFF (i.e. JUNK) again. I’ve been really sick with this pregnancy…I am 15 weeks and feeling a lot better but still not great by any means. If I forget to take my nausea medication, I can forget getting anything done. Even with the medication, some days are a battle to get through. Over the last 3 months, I got behind and then my kids completely took over. I got overwhelmed with the chaos and junk in this house and gave up. Family started sending more junk home with the kids than I normally would allow. Laundry started piling up. Dishes piled up daily. Things got shoved places to just get them out of the way. Piles were formed then moved to our bedroom to form even bigger piles just to get it out of the kitchen or dining room. We have absolutely no routine at the moment.

This is not like me at all. Typically, I’d have a cow if this was going on. I haven’t put away winter/cold spring clothes yet. I’ve bought the kids bigger clothes for this summer but haven’t put away or gotten rid of the too little things entirely yet. Toys keep piling up because grandparents keep sneaking them home with the kids…including junky little McD’s toys that they find at yard sales because “you can’t beat free!” I despise happy meal toys. Needless to say, the house has been in a constant state of disarray.

We are having a small birthday party for my oldest son this weekend. I was trying to find some things I need and usually keep on hand. It took me longer by far, than it should have to find them.  I felt overwhelmed immediately at what is usually a quick clean sweep of our home to get it in order quick before a party. Usually, if someone calls and says they’ll be here in 10-20 mins, I can have the entire house in perfect order before they get here. If someone called me this week, I’d panic.  It’s not just my son’s party and having family up that spurred this feeling…I find myself walking in circles daily, trying to find things I need and can’t…the realization of a party was the kick in the butt that I needed to really work on stuff. This house is destroyed (not literally but in my little mind, it is).

In the past when I just wanted to get rid of things and I was at what I thought was “the end” of my minimalism journey where I was so close to “house nirvana”, I’d take one day and set a timer for 30-60 mins and just power through each area of the house purging and cleaning as quickly as I could. I’d only give myself 30-60 mins depending on the space and just power through it. If it were my bedroom and a mountain of laundry needed folded too, I’d give myself a set time for JUST the laundry first. It’s a really great way to purge quickly and keep yourself in check with time management. I had my house in a state of “house nirvana” for about 6 months. Nothing going out or coming in except absolute needs (except for birthdays). I was content and happy and the flow of our home was a lot more relaxed and organized.

Today I am powering through the purging with the help of my daughter and my youngest son…My oldest is spending the weekend on the farm with his grandparents. I plan to take before and after of each space to show what I can get done in one day doing this. I’ll post them this week!

My hubby is taking the younger 2 along to the farm tomorrow (the oldest will already be there) to give me a day to myself to just get down and deep clean post purge for my own sanity. That and I need to bake and decorate a cute birthday cake. My son requested camouflage inside and a tractor theme outside. Pics of that to come as well!

 

 

Pregnancy. HG. 15 weeks. I’m still here!

I know I haven’t posted anything in a while. I’ve written out a few posts but never actually edited and/or posted them. I have been extremely ill this pregnancy. I have been battling Hyperemesis Gravidarum, which is not your normal morning sickness. It’s basically not being able to keep anything down. I am finally feeling a little better at 15 weeks with medication as long as I take it. If I don’t take my medication, I am barfing, dry heaving or gagging all day long. When I do take it, I can eat a bigger variety of things and only gag here and there most days. Somedays, even with medication, I still dry heave or barf. It’s just not as bad, thankfully.

I have not gained any weight yet. I lost 10 lbs initially but then gained 3 back and then this week I lost 3 again. Baby seems fine and I seem healthy as long as I stay on medication, otherwise I get dehydrated in a hurry. I am craving cheeseburgers a lot which is weird when I can’t eat much else. Hot and juicy and only from Wendy’s or 2 local places in our hometown that make them fresh. I’m not spending money just to run and get cheeseburgers each day…I have been making them more healthy at home here and there though. I’m also craving fresh blackberries, tomatoes, cucumbers, apples with caramel and Panera bread house salad a lot! I still can’t eat much meat other than loaded burgers.

We have a girl name chosen but not a boy name. I don’t feel like I’m showing as fast as I was with my last 2…I have a definite bump but it’s smaller than my last 2 at this point. I have not had my second trimester energy burst kick in yet. We have our anatomy scan scheduled for August and I am so excited to see baby! We weren’t going to find out gender but now we are (if baby cooperates) due to a few things that have arisen in our life recently that makes us more want to find out the gender.

All in all, we are doing great…life has presented us some crazy awesome and scary all at once, opportunities in our future that we are really praying and milling over but can’t talk about just yet. I will when the time comes though.🙂 I have not fallen off the face of the Earth but I have not been blogging or getting too involved on social media. More posts are coming this week though!

 

 

 

 

 

Popping it in a lower gear and slowing down

This past week, I’ve been taking time “off” of social media. I am still allowing time on my blog because I can write and get my feelings out here. I’m taking time and doing a lot of soul searching without outside influence. I’m trying to figure out what makes me happy and what direction I really want my life to go. Where my family and I will end up the most happy and content in the long run.

Every decision I’ve ever made has been made without heavenly insight. I didn’t need God in my life…at least not while making important decisions. Recently I’ve taken a step back and oh how life looks when you step back and truly study it and examine your heart and soul. I mean truly.

I’m finding that social media is too much for me. I feel less stressed and more content when I cut it out. I get more accomplished. Relationships are rebuilt. Everything looks more clear and fresh.

Just this week I’ve caught up on laundry, cleaned more, spent more time with my kids, learned to crochet (!!), and worked on projects I never thought I’d have time for. I have only been on facebook enough to answer a few urgent messages and nothing more.

My husband and I have reconnected. We’ve sat and talked about what we both really want out of life and what direction we’d like to go. Life will be switching gears soon. I plan to post on this blog as much as I can but it’ll be more for my outlet and to timeline what we accomplished together more than anything.

I can say for sure that we will be doing basic renovations on our old farm house just to get it to a basic livable home and possibly moving in there this year. Over time…in the next few years, we plan to add bedrooms…With 4 children, we will need more than just 2 small bedrooms and a wide hallway/landing area (where our “bedroom” is there). We are hoping to add on a “summer” kitchen/dining room (for entertaining and canning), a real laundry room and an office. That will all take time, saving money/frugal living, and planning.

I plan to (after this newest baby is born and is old enough) start building what buildings we will need eventually for goats, pigs, rabbits and other animals we end up raising. One by one. Not all at once. It’ll be a gradual thing over years not all in one year or anything. Slowly. We are planning to really get back to the basics and live the dream life we’ve both always wanted but never actually took the leap for. I plan to become a homesteader/farmer and live off of the land as much as possible. The money hubby brings in will pay bills, buy only what we NEED (can’t make or grow) and the rest will be put in savings for house renovations and rainy days.

My life has always been centered around living simple, minimalism, frugal living and living off of the land. My husband comes back to it a lot too. Together, we decided that if we had the choice, that’s the life we’d live so why not go after a common goal and dream we both are racing for in the long run anyway? I keep searching for happiness in every single place but where I TRULY feel it and know it.

I’m getting back to the basics. I’m switching gears. Slowing down. Living a healthy, fit life is still important to me. I still plan to live healthy and fit (on the farm and gardening, how can you not?!) but I plan on also living a simple minimalistic farm life, using my resources to make do to save money.

You can join me in this journey as it more suits me as a person, if you like. My posts will go here. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be back on facebook. It wasted way too much time for me and was an addiction that I still have to keep myself from going back to.

It’s the simple things

Yesterday I met my mom in a town halfway between the hometown and were we currently live to send my kids home with her and my dad for the weekend. My (all day) morning sickness hadn’t been as bad yesterday as usual so when I got home, my husband surprised me with a date night to a little shop up the road from our house for dinner. The place we went to is a little Italian shop.

I had a meatball sub, french fries and a root beer.

Thankfully the food stayed down and I didn’t really get sick after I ate. When we got back home, we went out in the tractor to cut off weeds and brush (major overgrowth) in a field below our house.

Tractorride

 

We talked about our plans for life. What he wants out of life and what I want out of life. It was really nice to reconnect and know what our intentions and expectations are for the next 5 years as a family.

I love simple date nights like this. I would much rather go out to a local Italian shop and then for a tractor ride over getting glammed up for a night on the town any night. Maybe that’s the small town country girl in me, but a simple date night is sure more fun than a wild one on the town.

 

 

 

Christmas will be special

So I’ve been hiding a secret.

 

Announcement41

 

I am pregnant with my 4th baby in 4 years. My oldest will be 5 1/2 when this baby is due.

I have been extremely sick this time around. Somedays I can eat and somedays I can’t. Somedays only certain foods will stay down and other days nothing is appealing except strawberries with vanilla icecream.

I am still wanting to stay fit this pregnancy but right now I’m just trying to survive and not become dehydrated as I can barely keep fluids down.

I wanted to share this news with you all as my posts may be few and far between until I feel a little more “normal”.  Once I am feeling a little better, I am planning to start working on my fitness again.❤

Something is Brewing

Hey ya’ll!

I have some really exciting things coming up here soon that I can’t wait to get you all in on!  I have been hiding away from social media some and from this blog so I can focus on those things and get them running. I am also working on organizing my life so I can stay more on top of things!

I really wish I could tell you all what it is I have brewing but it’s going to be amazing. I can say that for sure.

I hope you all are having a FANTASTIC weekend. Me?

I’m cleaning out our van today. Seriously, anyone else’s kids leave their vehicle look like an absolute shoe and sock, crumby, milk stained, sour, sticky horror story? Mine is for sure.

I am also catching up on laundry, purging stuff, working the budget (joy, right?) and working on this stuff I have brewing for you all.

 

Have a great weekend, my friends!